


Fear

by Una_Ragazza_Qualunque



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Social Anxiety, anxiety attack, from childhood friends to lover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 08:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13829958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Una_Ragazza_Qualunque/pseuds/Una_Ragazza_Qualunque
Summary: I wanted to write this fan fiction to encompass a little bit of the development of their relationship through a dream full of Kenma's memories.Kenma is a little worried because he can't express his feelings in words. Will he succeed in the end?"Despite their relationship was strong and lasting, Kenma hadn't yet found the courage to say those three famous little magic words. Not because he didn't felt it. Kenma loved Kuroo. He really loved him, only that he had never felt the need to express it in words."





	Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Published 2016- 10- 17
> 
> I am Italian but finally I found the courage to share my stories here too, in English, translating them.  
> Forgive me, so if my English will not be perfect. I also share my stories to learn so do not be afraid to make me notice errors, kindly, and I will try to remedy them.  
> Please keep this in mind when reading and also the original publication date.

In a room lit only by the moonlight one could hear the echoing of the groans of pleasure of two young lovers who, accompanied by the constant and insistent creaking of the bed springs, let themselves go embracing the passion, taking advantage of the parents's absence.

The moans filled Kenma's mind, unable to stop himself from emitting uneven moans.

<< Kuro. >> Moaned trying not to make further noise while reaching the peak of pleasure followed by the other.

Kuroo put his lips on the forehead of the smallest and then lie down next to him holding him in his arms.

This was one of the best moments for Kenma: after being carried away by passion, the silence and warmth in the arms of the taller always managed to calm him.

Kenma raised his face to look at Kuroo's, who was now illuminated by the full moon while he was in the Morpheus's arms. He often did it lately.

Kuroo was handsome, found himself thinking Kenma one night. Not that he had never realized it before but, during the childhood spent together, he had never considered it an important factor. But now that he had the opportunity to watch him so close he realized he loved that face.

Immersed in his thoughts the smaller, without even realizing it, passed his fingers between the perfect cheekbones of the other hoping not to wake him up. Even that strange, rebellious hairstyle that was impossible to tame, that the older insisted on not combing each morning, was part of Kuroo's beauty. He wouldn't have been him without them.

Kenma took a deep breath and closed his eyes exhausted.

Despite their relationship was strong and lasting, Kenma hadn't yet found the courage to say those three famous little magic words. Not because he didn't felt it. Kenma loved Kuroo. He really loved him, only that he had never felt the need to express it in words. It wasn't in his nature and he didn't believe that it was really necessary but when Kuroo one morning, unlike him, had opened his heart he understood that the words were important too. It had been nice to hear that.

The setter's heart had so much cramped in his chest that he had left him speechless. He wanted the same emotions to be experienced by his childhood friend.

Kuroo, at that moment, had issued a nervous giggle noting the silence of the other but had reassured him saying that he had all the time he wanted and that he should not respond immediately. But Kenma never answered and every time he thought about it he felt the bites of guilt in his stomach.

After all how hard could it be?

 

<< Kenma! >>

The child suddenly heard himself called.

He jumped in fright, recognizing the neighbor's voice coming from outside.

He had just moved in and Kenma didn't understand all the attention that the other child kept to give him, he wasn't familiar with that.

He simply decided to ignore him by returning to the only thing that could keep him company: videogames.

At least it was what he had in mind to do until he realized that the other wasn't calling him anymore and it wasn't from him to surrender so easily.

He paused the game and paid attention to what was going on around him.

When he heard footsteps, he stiffened. His mother must have let him in. She and her obsession that he had to make friends.

The door swung open, causing another jolt to the owner of the room.

Kenma slowly turned towards the entrance, knowing what he would see. In fact, Kuroo had a satisfied smile on his face, for to be able to enter, and in his left hand he kept a voleyball.

With the console still in his hand, little Kenma sighed. He didn't want to go out.

<< Kenma. >> Kuroo called him back << It's been a while since I call you and I know you could hear me. >>

<< Why do you insist so much? >> Asked Kenma thinking back to all the times that he had annoyed him to spend time together.

<< Isn't it obvious? >> Answered the other pretending to be offended. << Because I care about you. >> He continued, showing the brighter smile that Kenma had ever seen.

 

\- - -

 

<< Why do you insist on wanting to stay indoors? >> Asked worried Kuroo. << Today is your birthday! >>

<< How did you find out? >> Asked the other child surprised.

<< Your mother. >> Simply answered the older.

" Ah, of course. " Kenma thought.

<< I can't believe you didn't tell me before! >> Kuroo continued to complain.

Kenma shrugged without even giving him a look, too caught by the figures moving in the screen of his console.

Kuroo sighed. << Wait, I'll be right back. >> And without even waiting for the other's response he came out.

Kenma, initially, wasn't interested in what the other was doing but when after almost an hour waiting for him he hadn't yet returned, he began to worry.

<< Here I am! >> shouted Kuroo running towards Kenma's room. << I'm back. As promised. >> He continued out of breath.

Kenma stared at him in amazement. His hair was ruffled, more than usual, for the run. He was panting, tired but still smiling and only then did he realize that he was holding a bag in one hand and a cake in the other.

Not a birthday cake any. An apple pie. His favorite.

<< Here! >> Kuroo said holding them out with both hands.

Kenma stretched his, hesitant. He opened the bag and opened his eyes wide without words.

<< I know you wanted this video game and so... I was lucky you know? It was the only one left! >>

<< Kuroo. >> Kenma whispered almost imperceptibly.

<< Yes? >>

<< You can stay today if you want. >> Said looking away embarrassed. << So we can try it together. >>

<< Really? >> Asked enthusiastically Kuroo lighting up in the face, it was the first time that Kenma asked him to play a video game with him.

Kenma just nodded blushing.

 

\- - -

 

<< Don't be stubborn Kenma. >> Kuroo scolded him as he approached the step where Kenma was sitting. << You just say it because you're tired. >> He continued, placing a foot near his childhood friend.

<< Exactly, I'm tired so leave me alone. >> He said hiding his face in his arms resting on his knees. << I don't want to play volleyball anymore. >>

<< I don't think you really want it. >> Said the new Nekoma's captain looking up at the sky. << Would you tell me that today you didn't have fun? >>

Kenma didn't answer right away. << It doesn't matter. >>

<< Of course it matters. >> Retorted the other looking back at him. << I will not let you leave volleyball. >>

<< Why? >> Kenma asked crossing his gaze.

<< Because the team needs you. >> Answered Kuroo. << I need you. >>

Kenma stared at him for a long time but didn't have the courage to reply. Did anyone really need someone like him?

<< I'll think about it. >> He said finally getting up and heading to the school exit.

Kuroo, behind him, smiled.

 

\- - -

 

Kenma was staring, thoughtful, the desk. Kuroo was late.

The bell of the lunch break had long been played, but of Kuroo not even the shadow. It had become a habit now.

As soon as the bell rang, Kuroo showed up in Kenma's class, sure enough to find him on his own, and they would head for the roof to eat in peace. But this time something was wrong.

Kenma got up and went to the corridors and stopped in front of the other's class.

He began to fidget.

His hands were sweating and the beating of his heart began to accelerate. Entering and asking about Kuroo was the last thing he wanted to do. For a moment he also thought of giving it up until a boy, as he left the classroom, smiled at him.

<< Hey, I know you. >> He started, looking him better. << You're a Kuroo's friend, right? >> Said snapping his fingers.

Kenma didn't answer and looked down at his hands as he tortured them. He wasn't comfortable with strangers.

<< Well, he's not here now. I think it's at the entrance to the school. It seems like a girl is making a declaration of love to him. >> The boy continued, lowering his voice but visibly excited. << Ah, lucky. >>

Kenma felt a pain in his chest and instinctively touched him.

Was Kuroo really getting a declaration from a girl? Who was she and what would he answer? But above all because it troubled him so much?

<< Kenma, I finally found you! >> He felt called, recognize the voice. << I looked for you in class but you were not there. >>

Kenma turned to Kuroo but didn't say a word, still shaken by the new feelings he was feeling.

<< What's up? >> Asked Kuroo. << Don't you scold me for my late? >>

<< Shut up. >> Kenma answered, starting to walk.

" Probably it was nothing " Kenma convinced himself by saying that those feelings were born only out of fear of losing his best friend.

After all, Kenma hated changes.

 

\- - -

 

Kenma, that day, had no desire to practice much less to do a joint training with Fukurodani and all this just because Kuroo had become a good friend of their captain, Bokuto.

" Good for him. " Kenma was repeated to himself, the thing had never touched him but now, their friendship, had compromised his practice and his free time. Oh yes, because Bokuto had the brilliant idea of inviting everyone to eat meat after training.

Kenma sighed and looked around. He grimaced, too many people.

Kenma didn't know well, either when exactly or why, but the heart began to beat hard in his chest. He had the feeling that everything was crashing on him and the floor seemed dangerously close.

When he realized that he had difficulty breathing, he recognized it. He was having an anxiety attack.

His first thought was to look for Kuroo.

It wasn't the first time that happened but fortunately his childhood friend never panicked and always managed to calm him down.

Kenma tried to fight the nausea and looked for him with his eyes but Kuroo seemed to have disappeared.

He decided it was better to go outside to get some fresh air but his legs had no intention of moving.

Panic increased. He needed Kuroo. He wanted him by his side.

<< Kenma! >> He heard screaming but the sound seemed too distant.

He knew who that voice was. Of the one who always knew what he needed. Of the one he loved.

 

\- - -

 

" Hinata, we have to talk. " Kenma sent the message thinking that perhaps talking to someone would be better.

The other's response wasn't long in coming. " What's up Kenma? You make me worry. "

Kenma took a deep breath, even writing it was strange.

" I think I have a crush on Kuro. "

He put the phone in his bed, next to him as anxiety began to hit his stomach.

<< To whom do you write? >> Asked Kuroo looking up from the book he was reading, sitting with his back resting on the edge of the bed.

<< Hinata. >> Answered the other.

<< Who? Oh, the boy from Karasuno. >> Said closing the book << The shrimp. >> He added smiling.

<< There isn't so much differ in height among me and him. >> The other retorted.

<< I know. >> Simply answered Kuroo.

<< Hey, what would you insinuate? >> Kenma asked.

<< Nothing. I didn't say anything. >> Replied Kuroo amused, turning completely to look at Kenma sitting on the bed cross-legged.

<< Yes, you did it. >> Kenma retorted.

<< No, I didn't. >>

<< Yes. >>

<< No. >>

<< Yes. >>

<< Oh. >> Laughed Kuroo << How you defend him well. >>

<< What?! I'm defending myself. >>

<< Mmh-mmh >> Hummed Kuroo.

<< What now? >> Asked annoyed Kenma.

<< I'm glad you've made a friend. >> Kuroo replied, reopening the book.

<< But? >> Urged Kenma to continue.

<< There is no " but " >> The other answered, pretending to read.

<< What's up? You're jealous? >> Asked now amused Kenma but when he heard no answer the smile died on his lips and the blood colored his cheeks.

<< Don't be silly. >> Finally Kuroo replied, continuing to keep his gaze low.

Kenma decided to put that strange conversation to death by extending a hand to get the phone.

" What?! Really?

It's fantastic Kenma! "

 

\- - -

 

<< Kenma and Kuroo are a couple? >> Wondered aloud Lev as he stared at them from afar.

<< Uh? >> Yaku was surprised by that question.

<< Yes, it's obvious... I mean, they look like one. >> Answered Lev.

Yaku seemed to think about it. Lev wasn't completely wrong. They were always together and seemed to need each other, but the libero had always associated it with the fact that they had both grown up together.

<< Why do you ask to me? >>

<< You're right. >> Finally said Lev. << I'm going to ask it directly to them. >> He continued, becoming suddenly cheerful.

But while Lev was all excited about the idea, Yaku had turned pale at the words of the taller.

<< No, no! >> Yaku shouted, grabbing him by the shirt when he realized that he was going to them.

Yaku punched him on the arm when he saw that they had attracted the attention of the two. But when Kenma sneezed and Kuroo promptly wiped his face with a handkerchief, Yaku had to think again about his theory.

Maybe Lev was right.

<< Ahi, it will hurt for days. >> Lev complained with tears in his eyes as he rubbed his sore arm with one hand.

 

<< There are rumor that we are a couple. >> Kuroo said suddenly while they walked home.

Kenma next to him stopped and looked up from his cell phone to peer at his neighbor's face.

<< You know how people are, they always talk. It dosen't matter. >> Kuroo continued when their eyes met.

<< Of course it's important. How can you be so calm? >> Asked Kenma perplexed.

<< These rumor don't worry me. It simply don't bother me. >> The other explained shrugging.

<< It should because they don't tell the truth. >> Said Kenma slightly agitated.

Silence fell.

There was tension in the air and this was enough to make Kenma understand that, perhaps, he had exaggerated but it was too late, he couldn't take it anymore. He bit his lower lip waiting for any reaction from Kuroo, which, however, was slow to arrive.

Kuroo, surprised by the reaction of his teammate, was stunned.

<< Don't worry. >> He started, looking away. << If this create so many problems to you I will make sure that they stop. >>

Kenma couldn't explain why but suddenly felt sad. But deep down he knew it was the right thing to do. They weren't really a couple.

 

\- - -

 

Kenma and Kuroo no longer brought up the topic of rumors about their relationship since that day. But this hadn't helped to reassure Kenma, indeed it made him even more nervous, which didn't go unnoticed by Kuroo.

<< What you have today? >> Asked Kuroo.

<< Nothing. >> Kenma answered, he couldn't tell him the truth.

<< Don't make me switch to strong ways. >> The other retorted.

Kenma couldn't hold back a giggle at the thought. << And would be? >>

Kuroo jumped up with a mischievous grin on his face and stretched his hands to the sides of Kenma making them move up and down. He knew it was his weak point, the tickle.

<< No, stop- haha- Kuro! >> Cried Kenma trying to hold back the laughter.

<< Oh? Do you give up already? >> Asked amused Kuroo now over him.

Kenma realized that Kuroo wouldn't stop so easily and so he decided to go on the counterattack.

He felt relieved when he heard Kuroo's laugh mix with his.

<< Ah, I love your laugh. It's so rare. >> Kuroo let out.

Both stopped and blushed.

Kuroo, realizing only now of the position in which they were, stood up and rubbed his head nervously.

<< It's late. >> He stated looking at a watch that, obviously, wasn't wearing. He imprecated, he was making a fool of himself, but that didn't stop him from continuing that farce and with a clumsy greeting he left Kenma alone in the room still red in the face.

 

\- - -

 

It was an afternoon like many other when it happened the first time. Kenma concentrated on a new videogame, while Kuroo watched television.

Kenma hadn't realized that he had put his head on Kuroo's arm and when he felt some hands in his hair he decided to stay in that position.

It was a pleasant, relaxing feeling. Kuroo took some strands between his fingers, turning them over them to the ends.

The setter closed the eyes relishing that moment.

Kuroo suddenly heard a thump and looked away from the television screen. Kenma's console had fallen between his legs.

<< Kenma? >> He called him Kuroo but when he heard no answer he realized that Kenma had fallen asleep.

He smiled as he continued to play with the hair of the youngest.

Kenma that day felt like he wouldn't cut his hair so soon.

 

\- - -

 

Kenma had locked himself in his room, lying on the bed under a pile of blankets.

They had lost.

Not that he thought it was his fault but he didn't even feel that he had done his best, he could do more. But now it was useless to think about it. It was over.

<< Kenma? >> He heard a knock on the door. << I'm Kuroo, can I come in? >> Asked politely.

The setter gave him permission. He could never deny it to him, not at that moment.

He felt the sheets moving and realized that the captain had sat on the bed next to him.

He peered from the covers and saw that Kuroo was looking at him with the sweetest expression he had ever seen.

<< Come on, come here. >> Kuroo urged him, opening his arms.

Kenma accepted the invitation and threw himself between them.

Kuroo stroked his hair, hugging him tightly.

<< Come on, it's not the end of the world. >> Tried to comfort him Kuroo.

<< Yes, it is. >> Answered Kenma << You are about to leave and I wanted... >> The words died in his throat.

<< Hey, I'm here. >> Kuroo reassured him taking Kenma's face in his hands to wipe with his thumb the tears that flowed on it.

<< Nekoma will win next year. >> Kuroo started. << We will win next year. >>

<< Yes, but you... >>

<< No " but " >> Kuroo scolded him looking into his eyes. << Think positive. >>

Kenma lost himself in the dark eyes of the other, their faces were dangerously close. Too close.

He blushed slightly, ashamed of having thought of it in such a moment.

<< How can you be so serene? You're the captain of the team, you're about to leave high school, didn't you want to win? >> Kenma exploded.

Why didn't he understand his feelings? Why didn't he understand that he wanted to give him the victory? Why he didn't understand that he would have missed him to die once he had graduated?

Kenma plated himself when he felt Kuroo's hands tremble on his cheeks.

<< Of course I wanted to win. >> Kuroo said with his voice broken by tears. << Of course I wanted to win... >>

<< Kuro... >>

<< Was this what you wanted to hear? >> Asked Kuroo with tears in his eyes and a bitter smile.

Kenma's heart tightened. He had never seen him in that state and that was hurting. So bad.

He put his hand behind Kuroo's neck, made him resting on his shoulder and letting him vent.

Kuroo squeezed him tightly, as if having Kenma's body closer to him was placated his pain.

They stayed like that for several minutes, until they both calmed down.

When they broke off the hug Kenma felt that no words were needed. It was such an intimate moment that, he was afraid, words could only ruin it.

As if one had read each other's thoughts, both approached their faces more and more. Closer and closer until the lips of both of them touched.

It was their first kiss. A simple touch of lips, chaste and a little clumsy but, for Kenma, it was perfect because it was his first kiss. His first kiss with Kuroo.

 

Kenma woke up still in Kuroo's arms.

He tried to stretch without annoyance too much the taller, turning in the bed to check the time. It was definitely too early to get up.

He felt his waist tighten, a sign that Kuroo was waking up, and the warm breath on his neck caused him a shiver down his spine.

<< Hey >> Kuroo greeted him.

<< Hey, sorry if I woke you up. >> Kenma smiled at him.

<< No problem. >> Answered the other.

<< When will you have to go back to Tokyo? >> Kenma churches with a veil of sadness.

<< Tomorrow. >> Kuroo replied, sighing at the idea of having to take the train.

<< So soon? >> Kenma asked in a whisper.

<< Yeah, so soon. >> Repeated Kuroo << I missed you. Did you miss me? >> Asked with a mischievous smile.

<< Shut up. >> Said Kenma blushing, couldn't help smiling as hard as he tried to hide under the covers.

<< I'll take it for a yes. >> Laughed Kuroo. << A year, eh? >>

<< It will seem an eternity. >> Kenma complained while he felt Kuroo stroking his hair to try to comfort him. It always worked.

Oh, he will miss these moments, spontaneous and simple. Like Kuroo.

<< Kuro. >> Kenma called him turning around to look at him.

<< Yes? >> Waited the other.

<< I love you. >> Confessed Kenma with completely red cheeks.

Kuroo's smile died on his lips and the shock was read in his face.

<< W- what? >> Asked still amazed.

<< I know you heard it. >> Kenma began << I will not repeat it again. >>

Kuroo laughed and, with a heart full of joy, hugged Kenma.

<< I love you too. >>

**Author's Note:**

> I was able to write this Kuroken that was in my mind for a while, finally!  
> First of all, thank you for coming here.  
> I put my heart into this fan fiction because I wanted to show you how much I love this couple and how much I love their relationship.  
> It is very important to me because the description of Kenma's anxiety attack is the description of one of my attacks and I regret not being able to describe it widely but in the attempt I had an attack. I'm sorry.  
> I still feel a bit rusty but will resume little by little and then, as usual, the advice is welcome.  
> I was hoping to finish the fan fiction yesterday, for the birthday of Kenma, but unfortunately I did not succeed.
> 
>  
> 
> A kiss. See you next time :)


End file.
